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Christopher America was back in his hotel room. For the past three hours, he had stood in the mirror looking at himself. He was wearing a suit reminiscent of Captain America but with a mask more like Robin's. His cape was Old Glory herself, not the crazy neighbor lady, but the American flag.
Christopher: With this suit and my newfound powers, I should be able to combat anything that Mike Polowy throws at me!
Christopher leaps to his left. He holds out his arms and runs out of his room and down the flights of stairs. He strikes a pose before exiting the hotel. Running down the streets of Rome, Christopher begins to head towards St. Peter's Square.
-One Hour Later-
Christopher jumped and when he landed struck another pose. Christopher looked around and looked at the obelisk in St. Peter's Square.
Christopher: The leaning tower of Pisa! I wonder if I can straighten it with my new magic powers?
Christopher looked at the shadow. Since it was midday, the shadow was bent at a 45 degree angle. Placing his hands on the opposite side, Christopher began to push. After 15 minutes, Christopher looked at the shadow. It had moved a little bit. Satisfied with his work, Christopher struck another pose in front of the obelisk. He, then, rose his hands and spoke loudly.
Christopher: Friends, Romans, Un-Americans, lend me your ears! Michael Polowy is a hypocrite. What? Is he saying what I think he's saying? YES! Yes, I am. Through my magic powers, I have discerned that Mike Polowy has spent more time complaining about Christopher America than actually enjoying your Un-American ideals. Perhaps if he whines about it enough, Lee Best will come over, console him, give him a popsicle, run his hands through his hair, and reassure him that he's a good boy.
If you don't look after your children, Mike Polowy will come after them complaining about him having to watch a Christopher America promo, despite the fact that Christopher America has only produced one promo! Could it be true? Is he Christopher America? Yes, it is true. No, I am not Christopher America. I am the last American hero.
Also, through my American superpowers, I have managed to find that he is dragging the body of Bishop Steele around Europe. Oh the hilarity. What other wacky situations could these 2 and a half men, because we still don't know if the narrator is real, get into? Will they incarcerate some Jews in a concentration camp? Will they try to find the Great Dane's homeland? Will they go to England and introduce dentistry? Who knows? Only Mike Polowy knows. Using his magical DeLorean time travel rental car and his magic Jesus powers, Mike Polowy will manage to defy the laws of reality in even more hilarious ways.
The crowd just looks at the last American hero.
Christopher: You should all be laughing. I'm describing how hilarious Mike Polowy is. I'm describing all his misadventures. Laugh! Laugh!
The crowd begins to murmur and carry on.
Christopher: Don't walk away. Mike Polowy depends on your attention. He needs you all to know how much better he is than Christopher America. He needs you to realize that it is a travesty that Christopher America lost while defending his title but it is okay at never defending a title. Pay attention to Mike. If you don't, he may travel to your house and rape your brother.... or your dog.
Besides, saying the same thing and changing which country of Europe you're in makes you original and entertaining and makes you a better wrestler! We know this to be true because Mike Polowy has deemed it so!
Repent and beware!
Two Swiss soldiers start running in the direction of Christopher America.
Christopher: Wonder America powers, activate!
Christopher smacks his fist together and then puts his arms out and begins to run back towards his hotel.